It’s not everyday that I write that headline.

I figured since I was going to be out of country, I’d treat myself to some nice bacon and eggs for breakfast on Sunday. I had picked the most innocent looking pieces of bacon from the store but when they started to fry, the delicious strips developed a look — a look of danger…a look from the streets.

A few minutes later, I felt the sting of hot grease on my nose, I yelped and swung back at the bacon. Alas, that only resulted in bacon grease all over the stove. The ensuing mess brought me back to a more sensible state. Clearly, fighting inanimate pieces of flesh was not what I wanted to be doing at that moment.

I headed to the bathroom to examine the damage on my nose. A quick check revealed nothing so I headed to the kitchen to finish breakfast (and seek righteous revenge on the pork perpetrators). Revenge never tasted so good.

I hopped in the shower an hour later and when I was done I checked myself out in the mirror. I was still pretty (whew) but now missing a piece of skin on my nose. The time in the shower had apparently removed the skin the bacon had cooked in the short time on my face.

I’d always thought bacon a safe and friendly food, but this experience has shaken that foundation. Bacon is clearly some sort of terrorist organization. You have been warned.